#15 Oh to be king

I would like to invent a time machine which could accommodate me and about 1000L of water.

What I would do is go back in time to medieval England and take 1000L of mineral water with like healthy stuff in, like antibiotics or some crap.

I would take my water and give it to some poor people and tell them 'its magic water that makes you feel nice.' Then give it to them till they are really healthy and strong and they would be like 'Wow you are amazing, we want you to be king!'

I would be like 'OK!' but on the inside I would be laughing cause I knew what was coming next. Then later (three days probably) I would jump out of some box type thing and yell 'SUPRISE!'

Yeah, that would be awesome. Thats what I would do.

#14 Not just a dumb TV show

I love my group of friends, they seem to understand my eccentricities and outright insanities. We spent a couple of days together and it was really fun, I learnt so much about some of them.

One of my friends defends all my other friends whenever anyone of the other previously mentioned friends teased them which became somewhat of a sport for me, fun times ensued.

It is funny how people you have known for years (and some you have known for a lot less) all of a sudden mean more to you and become family.

I realize that this thought isn't as funny as most of my others, I have a quick message for all of you who share my sentiments which I will give through pictures. And here they are.

#13 All on my lonesome

It is surprising how nice it feels to sleep with someone 'NO DIR!' I hear you jibe.

Well shut up and let me finish, how rude of you.

I was meaning in a completely non sexual way. Let me explain myself, I mean literally sleeping with no sex. I have been by myself for the last seven months since my ex-wife kicked me out (refer to #1 My life) and I have slept alone every night since.

This past weekend I slept at a friends house with another friend staying as well. They have no spare bed and only one couch, as neither her nor I wanted to sleep on the floor (we were encouraged by our other friends to fight to the death for it) we decided to share the couch. the only way we could both fit on the couch without falling off was by cuddling.

Though we got very little sleep the first night (talking) and very little sleep the next (watching the IT crowd) I felt happy the next day on both occasions. It also felt nice that there was no need for more as she has other love interests and I'm not ready for anything so soon after getting divorced (though she is sexy).

It was a surreal experience, one I missed last night as I slept on my couch all on my lonesome.

#12 Guys Tattoooo

There is a gentleman on the train who has some tattoos on his left arm. They look like they were drawn by a drunk 8 year old (who is blind).

He has flames coming from his wrist up to his arm to his elbow and it seriously looks like the fire kids draw on a 'my house is burning down' picture.

If you are going to get tattoos at least get something slightly resembling good!

#11 The News

I am watching the news at the moment, the first item was about sport (some dumb footballer) the second item was also sport (some crap) and the next one was about some comedy skit that offended some americans.

What the hell is wrong with our news? How the hell are people meant to find out what is happening in Australia when that crap is on the news?

Well that's my rant about the news, the END!

#10 Who writes this stuff?

There is a girl who looks like a punk girl, badly died blue hair, body piercings. No tattoos though she looks to young. She is listening to ACDC on her iPod which is the point of my little rant I guess.

why is someone so young listening to such an old, has-been music group? ACDC is dumb. they screamed incomprehensible drivel into a recording mike.

That girl getting off the train is smoking hot!

Sorry, back to my story... It still baffles me as to why they are called Australian Legends. How are they Australian legends? I will admit that the musicians (not the drummer or singer) were ok but i have heard pub bands that play better. Legends my ass.

In my day (I'm 23) punk girls listened to music like Lamb, Weezer and System of a Down... ACDC was not on that list... I wish the lead singer would die already, or he becomes a pedo then people would be like 'Dont listen to ACDC, they are Pedos!'

That would be a wonderful world.

#9 More trainingness

Another train observation. I have recently been spending what seems like the better part of every day (2 hours a day, 3 days a week) and have worked out the secret to two of every commuters biggest fears.

Fear 1. Sitting next to strangers.

When there is a spare seat next to you and you don't want anybody to sit there, simply look eagerly at everybody that is getting onto the train. Most people will simply ignore you and find alternate seating (sometimes even standing to avoid sitting next to you).


Fear 2. Random conversations with strangers.

When a total stranger begins a conversation with you, you should ask very personal questions in response, completely ignoring their initial conversation starter, eg. 'If you get herpies how do you think you would tell your wife/husband?' or say 'I'm glad you brought it up...' then begin to talk nonsense for a while. Both options will result in the person quickly ceasing the conversation.



Im writing this on the train, the girl behind me just laughed out loud as she was reading over my shoulder. Now she is all red with imbaresment, what a strange girl.