Darkness falls on another day, again my life seems surreal. Let me catch you up a bit though. I met my wife four years ago, on the back steps of the chapel. We were married a short and turmoil filled two years later. It was a beautiful day, it seemed like the high point of my life, I thought I would live happily ever after.
Five months ago she told me she wanted a divorce.
My world was shattered like a shopfront window by a disgruntled teenager. I was kicked out of my house, thrown into a world of unfamiliarity. My first days of “Freedom” have blurred together inside my head. My life changed in leaps and bounds since that day. It looks now like the catalyst that has changed my life for the better.
Up until this point in my life I had been a good LDS (Mormon) boy, going to church every Sunday, caring what people thought of me.
We had been married in the LDS temple where we were told we would be married for time and all eternity. The temple was a place to pray for guidance from god. How fitting that the marriage that started there was ended in the same place.
She had been disgruntled and angry with me for weeks for reasons I could not understand, when she asked if we could go to the temple so she could try and get some answers. This seemed to be the answer to my naive but longed for prayers.
She told me on the car ride home what she had prayed for, she told me her prayers had been answered and we should get a divorce.
I broke down, un-beckoned tears clouded my eyes as I drove down the dark, cold highway, fighting the urge to swerve off the road simply to change the subject.
I became an alien in my own home, she had friends over all the time and I found myself withdrawing to the computer, escaping to places in my head.
I had to move away, I felt so sorry for myself I moved to a far away place to find myself, to clear my mind.
In that place I got to know a young girl who had had a baby to an asshole, her parents treated her like a pariah, they threw her away like last weeks news. How selfish I had been, there were people far worse off than I. These same people were a hell of a lot happier than I was.
It had taken me over 23 years to grow enough to know how to live. It took the words of a broken, selfish woman to change the life of an unfinished man.
My life now feels unreal, like the pest trip on the best drug that I’m not coming down from. Though my story seems like a sad one it isn’t, I smile now. I’m happy now. I fear nothing. I want nothing. Despite the darkness closing in, welcoming the night I know that tomorrow is coming and life is to short to not live for the now. Obviously there is more to the story than that but it isn't the right time and place for that yet. Perhaps in the future but not yet.
I really hope the girl that was my wife
Realizeslife doesn’t last forever
And their are more important
Things than money and power,
Life is strange, but it’s all we got. Better start living it!
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